2002-10-07 - 1:25 p.m.

I�m not planning to complain about the rampant crime going on in this city today, but I do want to quickly mention that one of my co-workers was walking across Magazine Street on Saturday night, and a car came out of nowhere, hit her and her friend, and drove away. Her injuries weren�t too serious, but her friend was knocked unconscious. It�s absolutely atrocious what keeps happening.

On to a lighter subject, after yet another party at my house Saturday night, I spent the entirety of yesterday on the couch. I wasn�t hungover per se � no nausea, no headache, but I was just drained. It was all I could do to clean the kitchen. Considering the quality of programming on Sunday afternoons, I was left with several interesting choices. An old episode of Perry Mason, a made for VH-1 movie about a crazed stalker ruining super-diva Jennifer Beals� life, a movie directed by David Schwimmer that was funnier than I expected and had many surprising cameos, the World�s Wackiest Game Show Moments, etc. But the best � the absolute cream of the crop was a new commercial I saw at least 4 times.

You know how they advertise albums on TV now? It�s just the last few years they�ve been doing it (and I am not talking about K-Tel comps), but like bands you never heard of � and Mick Jagger. Did he REALLY need the advertisement? Anyway, there�s this guy Nathan Hemmens that has totally and completely blown my mind as possibly the WORST CHOICE ANY A&R REP EVER MADE! Now we all know how I feel about RapRawk and its ilk, but at least it sells. This guy, however, isn�t going to sell to anyone! Let me describe. He is multi-racial with bleached hair, so you know that looks kinda disconcerting. He�s not attractive, but I think people are supposed to think he is (think Marc Anthony). He�s dancing and mugging and emoting like a wanna-be American Idol contestant, singing so passionately: �One hundred and one girls on my mind. I think about these girls all the time. They�re all so beautiful and fine. One hundred and one girls on my mind�There�s this blonde she�s so fine�� And there are the obligatory put-together P.C. groups of girls dancing, and fixing their hair, and sailing, and hugging or whatever. You know, 4 white girls, 3 of which are blonde. 2 black girls, and one Asian/Latin/Indian/can�t quite tell, but she�s really pretty� They are all madly in love with Mr. Hemmons, and he is so hot and foxy and he looooooves the ladies and everyone is dancing and partying and having a good time. �One hundred and one girls on my mind.� WHO IS GOING TO BUY THIS SHIT? WHO? Men who shop at International Male but haven�t figured out it�s not for straight guys?

And just for the record, can I discuss how much I hate John Basedow? You know, hawker of the Fitness Made Simple videos. He�s so old and buff and greasy like a Butterball, and he looks like he wears makeup. Maybe his tapes really help people, but his 6-pack makes me gag as much as I�m sure my flab would make him wretch. Plus the whole greasy muscle man in makeup thing is terrifying. I know he�ll appear in my nightmares soon.

Speaking of nightmares, last night I dreamed that I signed a contract with Satan. I don�t remember what my end of the deal was, but his was the usual. I know it�s because of that episode of the Dead Zone I watched right before bed. Oh wait, I watched the Anna Nicole Show for the first time ever after that. I swear her boobs are so scary � it looks like the middle part is on the verge of busting and she�s just gonna have one megaboob any day now.

Oh, last night was the premiere of Angel, which was awesome, but can I just say that Connor is the superhottest hottie of the new millennium? Like, Taylor Hanson, you had your day; step aside and make room for Vincent Kartheiser!!!

I am the Superfine Megafoxx X-treme Hottie of the Year. Somebody get the fire extinguisher and PUT ME OUT!!!

Well that�s about it for now.

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