2002-04-01 - 9:29 a.m.

Happy April Fools Day! Today is also Sadie's 14th birthday. That makes her 98 in people years. Yet she's still got a good bit of get up n' go. I don't know many 98 year olds who still chew through steel.

There is a dove nesting on my porch. I noticed her Friday night. She's always got her eyes open, so I think she never sleeps. She should get some rest now though, because in a few weeks, she's going to have many long nights changing diapers, feeding, and turning on the vacuum cleaner to ease the colic.

Yesterday, I received a picture of my mom with a half-horrified look on her face holding up a raw leg of lamb. She's in Italy right now, where the butchering is pretty much DIY. It still had the tail, complete with little cotton puff at the tip! What's worse is she told me when she was *cleaning it out* it still had "lamb droppings" (as she put it) inside!!!!! GAG ME WITH A SPOON! I mean, how gross is that? And my nephew told me "I almost had a seizure when I saw her cut the kidney open!" Naturally, he didn't eat any of the lamb once it was cooked. And as you can imagine, my move to vegetarianism is getting closer by the second.

Last night, I saw "Death to Smoochy." Edward Norton in a big pink rhino costume. On ice! very very funny stuff.

As we approach summer, Roach Season has officially begun. I have a paranoid hysterical fear of roaches crawling on me in my sleep. It's happened before. It was probably 11 years ago, but it scarred me for life. Then there was the time (in my current apartment even, yuk!) that I flipped my mattress over only to find a baked on caked on dead roach stuck in between the mattress and the box spring. You know how when a roach dies, it lets out lots of brown roach juice? Well, there was some of that on my mattress. My solution? Put a Band-Aid over it. Yeah, that's right.

So Friday night, I had my first battle with a Super Roach. Now as all you southerners know, a few roaches go gentle into that good night, but some of the bastards put up a hell of a fight. I first spotted him in my bathtub. So I sprayed the hell out of him, washed him down the drain, ran the water for several minutes, and then put the plug in the drain. Half an hour later, there he is on the shower wall! So I got the broom and knocked him into the toilet and flushed him away. 5 minutes later, he was back! After a lengthy broom attack, I managed to spray him a LOT more and get a heavy mug over him. I figure I'll leave him under for a few more days 'til he's positively dead, then I will dispose of him properly. And for those of you suggesting that maybe it was 3 different roaches, you are wrong. In New Orleans, we grow our roaches to be champions.

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