2004-02-12 - 1:33 p.m.

What do the following things have in common?

Megaboob

Audra Lee

Bigfoot

Ronald McDonald without Makeup

The fact that they were all googled by people that wound up at my diary. Pretty funny if you ask me!

Less funny, but equally compelling is what happened to me yesterday. I took Miss P to the vet for her annual vaccinations & check up. It was a double whammy for her because aside from the terror of the vet, she had to go out in a thunderstorm to do it! She was shaking like a leaf and flailing like an epileptic. I had to hold her with all my strength, while trying to keep her head trapped between my chest & chin. I had my arms around her and my left hand somewhere near her hind legs. The doctor was just giving her a shot, but she was fighting with everything she had - including the contents of her bowels. I smelled something, realized what was happening, and then it clicked: my hand was warmer than it should have been. She'd crapped in my hand! I gasped in horror and flung it to the ground while the vet instructed me to keep holding her while he gave her a second shot and cleaned up the shit on the table so she wouldn't land in it when I set her free. It seemed like forever, but finally, I was free to wash my hand. I washed it twice in a row, but it still wasn't enough. If I thought I had Lady MacBeth Syndrome the other day when half a dead dried roach fell on my head, I had no idea how bad it could get. God forbid I should ever murder anyone!

Poor Penel. She was literally scared shitless, and all I can do is complain. But really, there's nothing like an unexpected hot handful of poo to make a girl wanna complain.

BI-cycle BI-cycle I want to ride my BI-cycle. I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride my bike. I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride it where I like. But it's raining and freezing, so it's not gonna happen.

Thom Yorke, I am sick of your whining! Off you go Amnesiac! I suspect the Queen sing-a-long, but something just made me put on The Darkness. I need to get my tix soon! Did I tell you all that the Darkness is coming and I am SO going to see them! Air is coming also - the same week! And just a few days later, Bowie at the Saenger! But I think I'll miss Bowie. I can't really go to them all, and Air and the Darkness are super musts.

Get your hands off of my woman motherfuuuuuuuuuuuCKer! Man I love the Darkness.

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