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2003-10-06 - 1:07 p.m.

Two entries in one day how lucky are you??!?! Well, do you all remember This Guy? The freak I work with that like a billion years ago I liked (and he was in denial that he had a thing for me too, which many people who knew us both backed me up on) and now he does really weird stuff at work like purposefully brush up against me or else leave the room if I'm in it. Completely incongruous stuff like that?

Believe me, I am definitely NOT in any way shape or form interested in him anymore, but I still have a weird, unresolved need to prove something to him. Apparently he was telling people (a year or so ago) that I was like obsessed with him and I'm still not over him or something. Hello! 5 YEARS AGO! I am SO not that pathetic. It's just that there's a weird tense thing (on both our parts), but in my opinion, it's because HE'S a freak, and I just have the tendency to respond to freaks on their own level if that's what I sense the situation calls for. Just vibically though. If I MUST speak to him, I am perfectly polite and civil, if a bit mockingly...

Anyway, point is, I just hate him, and the last thing I want to do is look stupid in front of him because I know he savors every little morsel he can to hate and make fun of me. And I know I shouldn't care what he thinks about me, and I DON'T, but I know he just hates me and stews about it and finds some evil satisfaction in it, and I don't want to give him any more fuel for that than he already thinks he has.

So today, I totally pulled 2 full-on spazzmatazz moves in front of him. The first was that I was headed speedily through a doorway, which I didn't know, until practically ontop of him, that he was blocking. I either had to stop and acknowledge that he was in the way and say "Excuse me," or something. OR try my hardest to quickly squeeze past him without bumping into him. Of course, that's what I did, and I didn't bump into him, but I had to squeeze against the wall, and there was something on it that I apparently bumped into that made a big BOING type sound. Horrified, I kept going and didn't even turn around to see what I'd run into.

As if that wasn't bad enough, (I answer the phones when the receptionist is at lunch ever since my assistant quit and they decided not to replace her because I can obviously do 2 people's jobs and don't mind not being compensated for it, apparently) I was taking a message to someone, and the phone rang. I was halfway between my office and the front desk, so I decided to run to the front desk. First of all, I run like a retard (just in general) but especially with 5-inch platform thongs on. And the shirt with shoulders so low that my bra's practically hanging out and my boobs are bouncing all over the place didn't help me look less dorky. Of course, right as the spectacle of running me goes past the front door, Ass Face comes walking in, and out of the corner of my eye, I could tell that he looked HORRORSTRUCK by what he'd just seen. So I answered the phone, and thank god he'd quickly ducked down the hall to his office by the time I was done. I don't really know why I care, except that I think most people would agree it sucks to look like an idiot in front of someone you once really liked and then were unexplicably and cruelly dumped by.

Sometimes, I just want to jump off the bridge.

song of the day: Gloria - U2

penelope fact: Sometimes, she'll only behave if I threaten her with a bath.

something queer: ME! God, totally me. There is nothing on this earth that even compares.

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