2003-02-06 - 10:38 a.m.

Those new Quaker Chewy Trail Mix Bars (with cranberries, raisins, and almonds) are TOPS! I�ve already eaten 2 today.

One time, in 8th grade, this girl I was friends with had a big party with a Space Walk and spray cheese and boys and dancing. Mind you, none of the boys in my class ever would have asked me to dance. I�m sure I spent most of my time in a corner with a few other girls discussing Duran Duran or something else of extreme urgency. Wait - let me digress�

There was this girl in our class who was handicapped. I don�t really know what was wrong with her other than that she had two different sized legs and had had several surgeries. And sometimes she wore leg braces. Normally, I wouldn�t sit here dishing on a crippled person, but she was a bitch! She was very smart, and I guess her bitchiness was just defensiveness, but still. It wasn�t necessary. And she wasn�t very attractive. But she was part of my group of friends. There were a few other bitches amongst my group; in particular the girl who thought she looked like Brooke Shields. Anyway, the handicapped girl (HG) was always doing really embarrassing things. Once, in 6th Grade, she took it upon her self to call into the Sunday Night Top 40 Dedication Hour and she dedicated �Open Arms� by Journey to this 8th grader our group had a crush on �To Alex from the 6th Grade Girls.� Needless to say, we were all pissed at her Monday morning.

So back to the party. After all the popular kids were outside making out in the Space Walk or whatever they were doing, the less popular girls were left inside in control of the �dance floor� (living room with furniture pushed aside). Some Michael Jackson song came on, and we were all dancing; but before I knew what happened, we were all standing in a circle around HG. It was dark, and we were clapping, and she was dancing, and the more we clapped and whooed, the more crazy moves she pulled. I�ve got these movie-clich� type images in my head of this aerial view whooshing around above the circle, cutting to HG�s point of view blurring faster and faster, and back to the aerial view while the music crescendos until she falls! That�s exactly what happened. But she played it off like a break-dancing move! And we were screaming and clapping and she was trying to spin around on the floor like she meant it. Then she got up and finished dancing until the song was over. We all clapped for her, secretly laughing inside. We all told her how well she danced, and she commented that she meant to �break dance,� that she didn�t just fall.

I�m going to hell.

Good thing I don�t believe in Hell.

I saw HG at the grocery store night before last with her husband; yes, she�s married. Of course I didn�t speak to her. I wonder if she ever thinks about that, and if she had any idea we were all making fun of her.

So last night, I saw an awful movie on the Mystery Channel starring a grown-up Winnie Cooper (Danica McKellar � from the Wonder Years). She�s really got a weird flat face. After it was over, the announcer said she�s graduated Summa Cum Laude from UCLA with a B.A. in math. And that she�d had some article printed in some British Math & Physics Journal. Huh.

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