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2002-11-19 - 3:55 p.m.

Don't tell me to pray or I'll yank that unborn child out of your uterus

I know I already updated today, but I just got an email that seriously pissed me off. So of course, I had to write about it NOW while I am still fuming. You know the kind; they invariably go something like this:

I am a holier-than-thou, conservative, brainwashed, in-your-face, self-righteous Christian. Now let me complain about how those heathens in the government won�t let us pray at school/at organized events, etc. Also, let me point out that it is �okay� for you heathens to let gay people get away with their blasphemous sinning, and it is okay to let dirty hippies practice Paganism by planting trees on April 22, and it is okay for you baby killers to murder your unborn children, so why isn�t it okay for us moralistic, uptight, howdy-doody, sheep to FORCE ALL OF YOU TO PRAY TO MY GOD WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT?

In fact, I think I might actually quote it now:

Due to a recent ruling by the Supreme Court, I am told that saying a Prayer is a violation of Federal Case Law. As I understand the law at this time, I can use this public facility to approve of sexual perversion and call it "an alternate lifestyle," and if someone is offended, that's OK. I can use it to condone sexual promiscuity, by dispensing condoms and calling it, "safe sex." If someone is offended, that's OK.

I can even use this public facility to present the merits of killing an unborn baby as a "viable means of birth control." If someone is offended, no problem.

I can designate a school day as "Earth Day" and involve students in activities to worship religiously and praise the goddess "Mother Earth" and call it "ecology."

I can use literature, videos and presentations in the classroom that depict people with strong, traditional Christian convictions as "simple minded" and "ignorant" and call it "enlightenment."

However, if anyone uses this facility to honor God and to ask Him to bless this event with safety and good sportsmanship, then Federal Case Law is violated.

You know what Ms. Middle American Housewife Clueless Fucking Dipshit? In case you haven�t noticed, No one is insisting that an abortion be performed every morning in front of a whole school. And no one is demanding that teenagers create a reason to use their free condoms (which thank your God the SMART ones use rather than raise the teen birthrate any more than it already is, because they are going to have sex no matter what you tell them � and don�t blame us �heathens� for condoning it just because we�re realistic and would rather they be safe while they�re at it). And last time I checked, Earth day was about SAVING THE ENVIRONMENT BY CLEANING UP AND PLANTING TREES! Where in the FUCK did you get the idea it was about Pagan Goddess Worship?!?!?! And so if �Mother Earth� is a Pagan Goddess, does that mean �Father Time� is some sort of Satanic Dark Lord? Because you know, Father Time, in a way, is a very big player in the whole people dying game.

And speaking of games, let�s discuss your �Good Sportsmanship� that needs praying for. I would think, that as Good Christians, your football players would naturally aspire towards good sportsmanship. That�s like praying for the sun to come up in the morning. Why would you bother? That is, assuming all your Christian Football Players have a stick up their asses as big as yours.

By the way, that thing about stereotyping you as simple-minded rednecks? IT'S TRUE! Because anyone who was an intelligent, educated person would CERTAINLY know better.

Why can�t these people see this: making everyone pray to one particular version of �God� is NOT equivalent to allowing certain people to participate in certain activities and behaviors that they choose themselves and are not inflicting upon anyone who isn�t interested. More simply put, I�m not forcing you to have an abortion, you don�t force me to pray to your god when all I want to do is watch a lousy football game. (Be it known that �lousy� is a very operative word here, because I would never WANT to watch a football game, but that�s not the point of this particular thesis).

It just fills me up with rage so completely. WHY MUST CHRISTIANS BE SO GODDAMN SELF-RIGHTEOUS AND PREACHY??!?!?!?! Why must they think that they are the only ones who are right and everyone else is wrong? Why can�t they shut their stinkin� pieholes? Really, EVERY American KNOWS that Christianity is out there � at least the ones who get your annoying e-mail forwards do. And if they WANT to go out and learn about your beliefs, they will. Your hootin� and hollerin� at the rest of us is only going to piss us off even more.

You know who�s a freakin� GENIUS regarding this matter? Marilyn Manson. In general, the guy�s a total moron, though I admittedly am a big fan of Mechanical Animals, but his goal to actively pursue ways to piss off self-righteous Christians by infecting their children and the mainstream is just SO tearjerkingly brilliant.

Now I am not saying that Christianity itself is such a horrible thing. It�s no more offensive than Buddhism, or Hinduism, or Judaism, or any other religion; it�s the fanatical bible-thumping mosquitoes that really make me itch.

I was about to make a really controversial statement comparing self-righteous Christians to self-righteous Muslims, but then I realized that�s maybe just a little TOO inappropriate. But, gentle reader, you can just take that ball and run with it. Or shove it. Or slice it open and make juice from it � I don�t care.

song of the day: Morning Bell - Radiohead

penelope fact: She sleeps all day. One might say she's a Penny Loafer.

something queer: uptight self-righteous Christian assholes

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