2002-08-29 - 10:41 p.m.

Who saw the VMA's tonight? I have several comments to make about that, but let's start with the most important. Did Axl realize he was singing exactly like Mrs. Miller? It was frightening. I was in the kitchen painting, and I could only hear it. I walked over to the TV and said, this has to be Jimmy Fallon spoofing it or something, but sure enough, there was Axl sounding like the little old lady who sits behind you in church and warbles along with the hymns totally off-key. Not that I go to church or anything, but you know.

So next item: I've said it before, I'll say it again, and I'll keep on saying it until it happens. CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE KILL EMINEM?!?!?! and while you're at it, you may as well terminate Pink. How could they win so many awards? Who was even responsible for voting? And Pink just looked sooooo cool riding piggyback up there and announcing she was drunk. God I *wish* I could be so cool.

The Hives. The Vines. The White Stripes. OUCH! My ears are bleeding! MUST they scream so frantically and high pitched? Who ever said that was a good idea? Go away and come back after you've had a few singing lessons!

Triumph the insult comic dog. Way to go! Making fun of Moby. That's my dog.

Michael Jackson's Nose accompanied by Michael Jackson's Shin Guards. I rest my case without even presenting it.

Lisa Marie Presley Cage? Jesus Christ. The Coppolas have now joined Elvis, and have achieved one degree of separation from the Shin Guards and the Nose. (He might want to put one of those things on the Nose to protect it.) Could she look like more of a bitch? Guess what Lisa Marie. NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU! She's nothing but a joke and she can't even adopt a sense of humor about it. Or anything else for that matter. Bite Her? No thanks, I don't like sour grapes.

Other than the always charming, yet suddenly transvestite-looking with that new buzz cut Jimmy Fallon, there was only Shakira to make my time worthwhile. Shakira is a super hot awesome chica who can shake her booty like no one's business, and Pink, Britney, Christina, and we'll throw in TOTAL LOSER Brittany Murphy, only dream they could be as cool as her little toenail.

And what is up with the "wigga" accent that Eminem and Brit Murphy and Pink and Aguilera are so fond of? it just makes them look like total wanna-be idiots. Christina grew up in the mickey mouse club! We know she doesn't really talk like that.

I was actually GLAD to see the Olsen twins. That's how lame it was. I don't know why I watched it, but I can't help it. It's like I have to just watch it and hate it.

Well that's all the hate I can spread for right now. I need to go to sleep and pretend it never happened.

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