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2002-06-19 - 9:11 p.m.

Oh the humanity. Could my life be ANY MORE of a pain in the ass right now? Yesterday, I got a ticket for my expired brake tag. I got caught in a checkpoint and there was no way I could get out. The worse part is 2 of my friends from work went through it. One thought he told me, and the other wanted to call me, but didn't have time. Great.

But that's the least of my worries. Sunday night, while I was sitting outside with Penelope, I heard a noise in the gutter above my head so loud that I jumped up. I "decided" that it was a "bird" when I knew good and well what it was. A rat. We all remember the famous rat infestation of last summer, don't we? Well, apparently I put it out of my mind.

That is, until around midnight Monday night when I heard the telltale sounds of scratching and gnawing in the ceiling above my bed. Again, I convinced myself that any rats were certainly more interested in visiting my neighbor than me. So I was deluded back into sleep when around 3:30 am, it was painfully clear that the little varmint had made its way down to Penelope's food bowl. I had covered it at midnight (what a joke), as well as the giant plastic box that contains her food. I looked around, and saw nothing. But sure enough, when I kicked the box, out he scurried and ran behind the sofa. At the time I thought he went under my bed, but evidence discovered later proved me wrong.

Naturally, I had no intention of getting back into bed, so I set some traps and Penel and I camped out on the sofa in the front room with the TV and the light on. The next morning, I decided I was going to move. I signed up with an apartment finder place, and have spent the last few days making disappointing phone calls to prospective landlords. A few places I passed by were essentially CRACK DUMPS, and others were just downright depressing.

Last night, I set 5 traps and slept at my grandmother's house. When I came home this morning to check on the carnage, I found none. However, one of the traps was missing. I searched high and low, shuddering at the thought of what I might find, and worse yet, where I might find it. Little did I know...

I called my mom, essentially because I was stunned and bewildered. Walking around, while on the phone, I noticed the sofa seemed to be too far from the wall. I peeked behind it, and sure enough, I saw an upside down trap. I got my flashlight and tipped the sofa over expecting to see a dead or dying rat somehow tangled in the trap. Instead, I saw him run, and the trap clunk along behind him. It snapped only the end of his tail. I screamed, my mom screamed, I screamed some more, and finally I hung up and decided to see if my neighbor was out. Turns out, he wasn't. So I kind of finagled him into my trashcan and left him out on the front curb. Both of my parents suggested I just smash him, but I didn't have the heart. I sobbed like a big baby about it, and felt just criminal leaving him like that in the trashcan in pain. He was just a baby, and he looked so scared.

So off to work, where my assistant turned in her 2 weeks, and I was informed that she would not be replaced any time in the near future. GREAT-O-RAMA! I'm 6 months overdue for a raise, and now, I don't have an assistant for as far as the eye can see.

I called a bunch more places, too expensive. Thom and I drove around for hours and got a few numbers. Some people still owe me calls, some are too much, and 2 places were already rented out. Suddenly, I realize I have no choice but to pay WAY more than I can comfortably afford in order to live in something other than a dump or in the ghetto. Yes, I can technically afford $600 a month, but that means no more digital cable, not even HBO? *boo hoo* A lot less eating out, and very little going to bars. Looks like if anyone wants to be my friend, they are going to have to come over with a video and a six pack. Or murder my rat.

Which is exactly what Thom did. He picked up a board that has been on my porch since I moved in here and smashed the heck outta little Mickey. I felt bad, but at the same time, relieved. Poor guy. I'm leaving him out for the curb. Trash can and all. Rat guts and a day's worth of nervous poo mean that trashcan has outlived its usefulness in this here household.

Well, off to Granny's again. got to give it a few more nights to see if the baby had a Mama and a Papa.

I am stuffed full of a Kokopelli's pork burrito right now. It honestly wouldn't take much for it to come right back out the way it went in.

Adios amigos. And please do whatever it is you do (pray, chant, do a spell, wish, send good vibes...) for me. I need all the luck I can get these days.

song of the day: Fast as You Can Fiona Apple

penelope fact: for being such a little goose, she sure takes up the whole bed.

something queer: It's a tie! 1) lack of finding an apartment vs. 2) the word supple

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