2001-09-06 - 3:58 p.m.

Here's a GREAT idea for a product!

Recent years have seen an influx of extremely convenient handy products we never knew we needed! Take, for an example, the new Cling Wrap elasticized food coverers. Now, you don't have to bother trying to stick it to itself (wait a minute, isn't that why they call it CLING wrap?), you can just snap it over your bowl with the power of rubber. And the best part, is they serve as EXCELLENT makeshift shower caps.

But enough about things that have already been invented. And on to *MY* invention.

This may not seem like a necessity to those of you who do not live in the swamp or in otherwise humid regions. However, us Southerners truly know what it's like to gasp for air upon exiting a building. Last night, at MIDNIGHT, I walked out of the movie theater unsure whether or not they'd submerged it in the bottom of the lake whilst I was watching the film. I said aloud, SOMEBODY GET ME A SNORKEL! But you know, I'd look pretty silly with a regular old snorkel on. Though if some clever mass-producer of hipness, such as Old Navy, Abercrombie & Fitch, or the Gap could design and market such an essential product, I wouldn't have to WORRY about looking silly. Instead, I'd look WICKED COOL in my "Urban Snorkel!"

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Watered-Down-So-As-Not-To-Offend-Too-Many-Rap-Metal version of the Hollies "The Air that I Breathe" playing in the background. 10 anorexic beautiful boy-girls clad in low-slung bellbottoms and glittery baby-tees doing a synchronized swimming-style dance, but on a big blue floor - not actually water - all sporting the *URBAN SNORKEL*

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SOMEONE CALL SOMEBODY! I THINK THIS COULD BE MY TICKET TO RETIREMENT!

please sign the damn guestbook and join my notify list. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thank you.

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